It is my understanding that the #loveyourspousechallenge is a way to affirm and encourage marriages. Is that correct? If so, I love the intentions! My friend's marital success is a part of my joy, as we are all connected and belong to one another.
However, something is missing from this "challenge". Although affirming your spouse and celebrating marriage is wonderful, simply being in the marital state does not equal successful marriage. Or, a happy marriage.
In the spirit of wanting my friends to be married well, I will pass along the advice that helped me to be a better human. Once, while discouraged that I wasn't married, a wise friend said, "Go and throw yourself into the service of others." This is what I learned : to be single well is to serve your neighbor and consider their needs as important as your own. As soon as you get the focus off of yourself, happiness follows. Not only is this the best advice for the happy, single life - it applies to all!
The #loveyourspousechallenge isn't an investment into marriage as it can't possibly have the long lasting results a marriage truly needs. If it's true, that to be filled with joy is to lead a life of serving others, then the same applies to a marriage, where two have become ONE. (What does this mean? It means that it is impossible to focus on your marriage and also not simultaneously focus on a part of yourself.) I’m not saying focusing on marriage is the problem. I am saying that marriage is NOT the end of shared love.
It's a beginning.
So what’s missing? What follows celebrating marriage? What is missing is this : a conversation of what follows AFTER focusing on one's marriage.
Those whose marriage is at its best GO, with their spouse, and throw their lives into the service of others - TOGETHER. Marriage is at its best when it lovingly unites to take the focus off of itself to pour out love, IN UNITY, into the community. (Reminds me of the Trinity! And, yes, I do believe that children are a built in receiver of the overflow of love in a marriage. The love extends outside of the marriage onto a child. And, that love is not limited to children! Love pours out of family to orphans, widows, the lonely and discouraged.)
The point is, to find complete fulfillment and joy from marriage is impossible. Complete fulfillment comes from outside ourselves, from God. Once filled with God's love, we live to serve our neighbor, those that may have nothing to offer us in return. These intentions are incredibly different than the motive one might have moving into a friendship with the like-minded or towards those we marry.
To love those who are not loved, those who have nothing to offer us in return, to give to the impoverished, to love your enemy - this is to be the salt and light of the world! This is what it looks like to be married well or single well. This is to be #blessed.
Perfect joy comes from serving others and expecting nothing in return. Go and love.
- Jordan, NYC